I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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