I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
