I must be too annoying 4 u.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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