I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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