I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
