I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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