i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
