Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
