fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
