what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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