Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
