We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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