ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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