Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
