I looked at my own cervix.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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