just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
