my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
