i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
