So drunk its hurt
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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