Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
