I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
