But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
