This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
