Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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