after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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