mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
