My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
