I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
