Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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