Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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