my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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