1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
