i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
did you just send me my own nude
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
