Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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