I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like eating out sand paper
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
