dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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