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I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
