My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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