i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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