you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
