im drinking this country out of the recession.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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