Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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