Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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