i jhust puked up my retainher.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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