I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
