fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
