I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
