last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
