come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
