I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
