i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
